Deference

In the realm of human relationships deference is an unpracticed virtue. In the church--an arena in which I reside--the scriptural mandate is to "in honor prefer one another", a difficult assignment for any and all of us...especially when we know we are right!

The early church addressed this when Paul urged a local congregation to find a place of agreement "in the Lord" as theyw orked together, assigning them the responsibility of helping one another as an urgent task to be fulfilled as a high priority (see Philippians 4:2,3).

I shared recently with my staff a simple acrostic taht I will identify below, as a part of the actual process of derring to one another.

D-etermine to listen

E-xpect difference.

F-lex where possible.

E-nact a plan of action.

R-econcile without delay.

Listening is critical---without preparing a response in advance which is counter-productive to hearing what the other person is saying.

Expect differences--even diagreements. Our perspective are different--and even helpful--in dissecting a decision or formulating a plan.

Be flexible in a position you take, unelss it violates a principle of conscience. Sometimes we leave little "wiggle room" for matters of taste and preference.

Be prepared to act on what you share, resisting the temptation to simply leave things unaddressed while anger and bitterness accrue.

And, finally, do it quickly. Be reconciled to one another and don't allow your differences to be divisive.

We may have to defer to one another, not at the risk of coerced compromise, but through the investment of building and presevering our relationships.