ambition

I lack ambition these days. The allurement of ocean waves, a grandchild's soccer game, the quiet of my trailer nestled in a forested-park, uninterrupted time with my wife--these things, and more, seductively beckon me away from my daily responsibilities.

I am trying to understand this season of my life. Much of my life I have been driven to get things done, to be considered productive and successful, to stay busy lest someone think I was shirking my responsibility, to go to bed exhausted at night confident I was burning myself out for a noble cause.

These days I am less concerned about how others appraise me because I have discovered most are too busy and preoccupied with their own lives to be measuring mine. Additionally, I realize that in spite of my misguided attempts to keep everyone convinced of my "sacrifrical service", I still manage to raise the ire of some by whose standard I could never do enough.

What I am left with is my calling--a call to serve God and His church. I am seeking to exchange my ambition for obedient, faithful and loving service, unbounded by time constraints and human accolades; on the contrary, my intentional desire (most of the time) is to please God.

In a strange way, it's my ambition.

And it keeps me going when ocean waves are played on my I-Phone, soccer games are enjoyed via scrambled videos, trailer trips involve a trip to the storage place to pack away things for next spring, and quiet alone time with my wife has to be scheduled.

I am headed home right now...at 3:30, instead of 5:00 p.m. Unscheduled surprise!