DREAD

"What have I dread, what have I to fear

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

I have blessed peace

With my Lord so near

Leaning on the everlasting arms."

I have been living with some dread today. There is something I have to do--I know it is the right thing--but I am nervous and even fearful. I was thinking about it as my stomach churned and asking myself, "What are you afraid of?" (espcially if you are doing the right thing).

I guess it is the fear of the unknown--uncertain of the circumstances, the anticipated response, the endless possibilities of scenarios.

And then I remembered this old song we sang when I was younger and never worried about anything. I loved this song because on the chorus, where we sang "Leaning", the aftertime was "Leaning on Jesus, leaning on Jesus..." and we did that with as much bass sound as adolescent voices could muster.

I am much older now, but the words of that song are my encouragement as I head for my moment earlier dreaded. I go in His strength, leaning on Him.

mortgage calls and hang ups...

Every evening about this time I get several calls asking me if I would like to refinance my house. Generally, these calls occur about the time Bev and I are trying to eat dinner, or, just relax, and I find it difficult to be civil when we are asked, and asked, and asked...and, sometimes, I confess, I just hang up!

Not very courteous and Christlike, Pastor Dale.

Tonight I was asking God for something that I ask Him for day after day. I caught myself and wondered just for a moment. "Does He ever tire of my asking?" "Is He inconvenienced because He is caught in the middle of doing something else?" "Would He prefer just not to be bothered?"

Well, we have no human model like this except God who invites us to come to Him for grace and mercy in time of trouble.

Here I am again, Lord.

unconditional love

One of the unique messages of the gospel is God's unconditional love for us. The idea that aGod who knows us best loves us most is confounding at best.

When we have experienced that love it is potentially a life-changing experience--certainly in our relationship with God and practically in our relationship with others.

Can we love one another with unconditional love?

Yes. I know.

innocence

I just received a picture of three of my grandchildren in yesterday's email. I cried when the pictures came--I see my grandchildren in Texas 2-3 times a year--and I realized how much I love them. And I cried, I think, because I realize what kind of world that they are entering...innocent as they seem now.

Innocence passes quickly. Reality sets in soon enough...the reality of sin, suffering and sadness. When I look at their faces I am fearful for what awaits them.

Innocence is long gone for me. I know my sin, I know my weaknesses. I understand my selfish motives and my wounded pride. I reflect on what I have learned, often because of bad decisions, and, more often because of inisisting on my own flawed way.

I am not innocent.

But I am forgiven. I am as a little child to God, anxious to grow up into a mature believer.

That glorious prospect is available to everyone--including my grandchildren--when that veil of innocence has been lifted.

I hope I am around to validate that in their lives some day.

THE ENEMY

Why is it so hard to do the right thing?

When we have a strong sense of purpose and what we think is a good plan--and the perceived approval of God--it is disheartening when things don't go well. We may question whether or not we "heard" God right to begin with, or, whether we have done something to incur His disfavor.

Both of those questions could have a basis in reality, but often, disruption of our plans and more often, our timetable, occurs when all things are okay, and God is simply allowing us to be tested and stretched. Can I trust Him when it feels as if everything is in disarray?

I asked myself that question this morning when I was processing a number of things that are being thrown at me by the enemy--the one whose stated purpose is to "steal, kill and destroy" all that is good in our lives (John 10:10).

I know we are doing the right thing. I know God has spoken His purpose and plan to us clearly.

I know the enemy is not happy about it.

I am trusting God to complete what He has begun.

make every effort

Ephesians 4:1-3 talks about the cultivbation of interpersonal relationships and the kind of behavior that is geared towards the maintenance of peace. Verse three implores us "as much as is within you live at peace with one another."

In recent weeks that admonition has been tested within me. As I work alongside people I love and value it is a sometimes frightening discovery to find out we don't always agree. Usually it is methodological issues but they present an opportunity for divsiveness unless these scriptural verses are kept in focus.

I am grateful that the instruction of the Word when applied actually works. If we come to disagreement and we operate in n attitude of gentleness and love, our chances of reaching agreement are incredibly enhanced.

I experienced that this week and it has reaffirmed my confidence in the process of living the Word...and experiencing peace.

rested and recharged

I have been back in the office for a day and a half tomorrow and I have already forgotten what it was like to be at Lake Tahoe, surrounded by towering pine trees and right across the street from the lake with all of its dazzling blue. It is back to the real world.

Surrounded now by towering piles of work on my desk and dazzling challenges from all directions...

But I like my world. It is the world to which God has called me. I live in a wonderful quiet rural town, in a beasutiful home nestled on the top of a hill overlooking the city of Sutter Creek. I have a wonderful job at a terrific church where the people I serve treat me better than I deserve. I am married to a beautiful woman, and have a "quiver full" of children and grandchildren. My health is good and I have the joy of investing my life in ministry.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Some days I wonder.

But today, after what will be a 14 hour work day (which included sweeping out after sheet rockers at our new church building site), I feel exhilarated by the prospects of what God is going to do in the days ahead.

When I get tired, I'll find another lake--or, I will simply remember the faithfulness of God--who always dazzles me when I stop to consider Him!

getaway

Bev and I leave tomorrow morning for Lake Tahoe. It is a getaway encouraged by our caring Board of Elders. We will be gone about ten days and we are leaving at a critical time. I spoke of it to my daughter, Jennifer, yesterday and she merely remarked, "When have you ever gone anywhere that it wasn't a critical time at church?"

Point taken.

There are a bunch of issues, I guess, that come into play when I leave at "critical times".

1. How will they survive without me? (Not really...but my hesitation makes it seem like that)

2. Will the right decisions be made (there are some vital ones to be implemented)? I know they will because we have a seasoned group of elders and deacons who are seeking God's direction.

3. Can I really relax when so much is going on for which I feel responsible? The key here is to acknowledge "I am not responsible". This is God's church, His building program. he can be trusted.

So we are getting away--no television, no church work--only our bikes, lots of good books--and our 18' travel trailer that will be our haven by the side of Lake Tahoe.

It's getaway time. I am ready.

dennis

Dennis is my twin brother and, he like me, is a pastor. I went to visit him yesterday. He lives about sixty miles from me and I wanted to see him because I missed him. He just returned with a group from his church from a work trip in Arizona where he fell on a rock climb, injuring four of his ribs. He was home, recovering--taking it "easy"--preparing for VBS, making sandwiches, planning for the care of a widow who had sprained her ankle, preparing for a dramatic part as a last minute fill-in for someone who couldn't make it, getting ready to set up for the evening acitvities. That's what pastors in smaller churches do.

Dennis pastors the church begun by my father fifty years ago. Some of the grandchildren of people my father pastored are now his parisioners. Dennis does what my father did best--ministers grace and love to his people.

I am proud of him, and my father would be, too!

 

A FRIEND OF MINE DIED...

It was tragic to know that my friend died this week, a very young man. It was more tragic to know that he had reached the abyss of despair and that he took his own life. Just one day before his death I asked a mutual friend how he was doing and he responded, "Not well." The next day he was gone.

He was not a part of our chuch family at Grace but I do believe he was a part of the family of God. Several years ago I was present at his father's funeral where he told how he led his father to Christ before his death. I have known him over the last thirty years and have seen the changes that came into his life following his salvation.

He had some problems with which he grappled most of his days, even as a believer. In recent weeks they had risen up to grab him again by the jugular vein, sapping his spiritual life of hope and vitality, and shutting his mind to the truth of God's grace and mercy.

I read Ephesians 1:3-14 today, and I will read these words at his memorial service. I am buoyed by the words, "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world...He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ...to the praise of His glorious grace which He has freely given us in the One He loves. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he has lavished on us...Having believed you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession--to the praise of His glory."

I believe my friend was God's possession...and is now in His presence. It is the certainty of God's grace and mercy that remind me it is so.

Cousin's Camp

We have five of our ten grandchildren here for five days and we are calling it "Cousin's Camp", not original with us. I have taken a week of vacation to assist my wife in this venture and after one day I understand why it takes two of us!

Which is not to say that the kids aren't terrific--they are--but we are a combined 118 years and they are a combined 31 years...get the picture?

On Father's Day I spoke about Paul's admonition to his spiritual son, Timothy in I Timothy 6:10,11, where he tells him to flee from the love of money, to pruse godly character, to fight the good fight of (the) faith and to take hold of (the) eternal life.

This week we get to invest a little of our faith in our grandchildren--already products of wonderful Christian homes. We can affirm what they have already been taught, and punctuate it with a grandparents' touch!

Elusive peace

A woman I know has been told by the doctors that she may have cancer and several tests are in place to ascertain whether or not it is so. The follow-up questions about how to treat it if it is cancer have been answered with a stoic, "There is no treatment". The result for her, of course, is a heightened sense of apprehension as she awaits the verdict.

She sent me these words when I wrote her a note having met with her for prayer and charting now her progress in dealing with worry. Someone had written these words to her.

Release...the regrets from yesterday

Refuse...the fear of tomorrow

Receive, instead...the peace of today

I checked with her yesterday and the tests were inconclusive and now there is another two week waiting period to see if the dreaded cancer is indeed there.

I found this woman calm and relaxed and grateful, receiving the peace of today.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer ansd petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which trascends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6,7

nine years and counting

On Thursday Beverly and I will have been married nine years. It is an accomplishment in the sense that she has endured my slow learning curve, and yet, continues to love me.

Our introduction to one another is a miracle story in itself. Every time Bev tells it to one our friends I smile and, sometimes, even cry. It is a the story of God's grace and faithfulness to us both on the heels of marital disappointment and dissolution.

I am thankful for the new life we have together. We love our six children and ten grandchildren, and we are adjusting to the fact they all have their own lives and are, for all intents and purposes, far away from us. Our visits are not nearly often enough but each one reminds us of the legacy of our former lives now melded together into the present.

Thanks, Bev, for the last nine years.

I am counting on many more!

anxiety

A recent sermon by John Piper linked anxiety to the sin of unbelief. His argument from scripture was compelling, unfortunately for me.

I have such difficulty trusting in the moment. I can rehearse and recite God's qualities and track record of faithfulness, but in the situation I can find myself harried and frenzied in a way that is inconsistent with the expression of my faith.

I have a fellow brother who shares the same propensity for worry. When I observe him, it is so easy for me to critique how he is responding...and then I remember he is much like me.

And then I ask, what kind fo example am I to him, my friend?

I have another friend who is the eptiome of calmness, in almost any situation. He was a helicopter pilot in Viet Nam, so he has been in places where that calmness was an absolute necessity. I like hanging around him because I keep hoping his mindset will rub off on me.

Here's to John Piper who reminded me that my anxiety reflects upon my relationship with God and my willingness to truly trust Him and believe His Word.

I am anxious about how soon I will stop worrying...

"Neither do I condemn you..."

The woman caught in adultery, as recorded in John8:1-11, was literally, caught in the act. Mosaic law required that the two witnesses who brought charges would have been simultaneous eye-witnesses to the incident and it is clear she is guilty as she is brought before Jesus.

There is some discussion about the canonicity of this story, and some biblical translations omit it because it is absent from the earliest manuscripts; however, it finds its way into scripture and its truth are certainly commensurate with all Jesus taught. Whether it is original to the gospel of John or was written by another writer inspired by God--perhaps Luke--seems inconsequential in view of its clear message.

The adulteress should have been stoned to death--she and her lover, who is strangely missing from the story--a corroboration of the Pharisees preoccupation with entrapping Jesus, as opposed to arbitrating the law.

But Jesus shows compassion for her, and turns to accusers with the indicting invitation, "he is who is without sin, let him cast the first sone". Soon enough, the woman is left alone with Jesus, while her accusers slip away, impacted by Jesus' writing in the dirt (probably something about their's...)

It is this moment--Jesus and the adulteress alone--that is a moment common to every believer, a moment when we stand alone with Jesus exposed in our sin. It is a moment of recognized guilt, anticipated condemnation, and undeserved and unexpected exoneration.

"I don't condemn you", Jesus says.

Freed of such condemnation (Romans 8:1), I am enabled today to walk in a new life of freedom, made possible through Jesus' words, the expression of His sacrifical work on the cross where He paid the price and took the punishment for my sins.

I am a sinner. I am guilty. He took my guiilt and condemnation on Himself so I might be free.
And He says to me again today, "Go and sin no more".

a messianic complex

I can remember when I graduated from college and headed for the inner city area of Los Angeles County, armed with my Bible, four years of college and an over-abundant amount of confidence that I could change the world.

I spent seven years there and what I struggled to learn was that I could not save the world. I hardly could take good care of myself. I had a misplaced "messianic complex" that resulted in borderline "burnout" after trying to be too many things to too many people.

I am completing my thirty-ninth year in the ministry and I find lingering remnants of that messianic complex--fooling myself into believing that I can fix everything.

The bottom line is that I can fix nothing. I can maneuver things into a better position sometimes, and I can even manage to say some helpful things, but if change for the better occurs, I have learned it is not about me but what God chooses to do in spite of me.

I am in the middle of my seventh building program, the ultimate construction challenge I have faced in my life. I find myself foolishly thinking I can maneuver and manage the changes that I remember in moments of spiritual sobriety are only things God can bring about.

It's about time I figured out that messianic complex, don't you think...?!?

Americal Idol

I watch American Idol every Tuesday night if I am home. I have been trying to figure out what it is that makes me want to.

I am not crazy about most of the music and am not particularly drawn to most of the participants. I am uncertain that there is any redeeming value in the program itself.

Still...I watch.

I have decided that I watch because I am curious. Curious about what it is we like, what it is we want, what it is we idolize.

When the winner was announced last night--Taylor Hicks--his selection was greeted with a coronation-like applause. He was apparently overwhelmed by the moment of adulation and was transparent about his emotions--at times screaming, dancing and pumping his fist into the air.

He is the new American Idol.

He seems passionate about his music, though his voice is sometimes raspy and sharply-pitched in his singing. He loves to dance, and punctuates most of his musical numbers with unchoreographed movements and occasional gyrations.

He is affable enough, and even humble. He appears to just love to sing.

I guess that is why we love him (I didn't vote) and that is why he is now our choice as an Amereican Idol.

I am not sure how I feel about that...but I will probably be watching again next year.

I guess I am just another one of the American Idle

THE BEACH

four days at avila beach and I feel like a new man.

but I have to come back to the real world.

what is there about the foaming angry ocean that is so cleansing? what is it about ocean waves crashing against the ragged rock shorelines that is so peaceful? why is it that I find myself transported to calm and rest in the midst of its fury and restless power?

i know. it feels to me like God is there, in the midst of it all.

in my real world I need to make the same discovery...in the midst of anger, screaming emotions, and power surges.

God is there.

SETBACKS

Setbacks are exactly what the compound word indicates, a moving back from a previous position. Circumstances that "achieve" that end, are called "setbacks".

Our building project has had its share of "setbacks", the most recent being the burgeoning costs at project's end and the shortened cash flow we have to address them.

I wrote the members of our board today and shared the information, ending with these words, "God will provide!"

I know He will...He always has.

We are moving ahead.

heroes

Bob and Sharon Hallissy are friends of mine from earlier days in the ministry. When I pastored in Duncanville, Texas, they were connected with Wycliffe Summer Institute of Linguistics, located nearby, and began attending our church. They and their five month old son, David (now 19), became a regular part of our church fellowship.

I have several distinctive memories of Bob, Sharon and David.

1. David, at his father's request, jumped blind-folded into his arms as a part of my sermon illustration on faith. Fortunately, his father caught him!

2. Bob and Sharon invited our family to their home for a meal and upon questoning, revealed Bob had left a large job at Hewlett Packard in computers (and all the related benefits) for the "struggling" and challenging life of a missionary (my choice of words).

3. Bob was brilliant (from my point of view) and could have written his own ticket in a burgeoning world of software fortunes but had chosen to opt to assist in the work of Bible translation.

4. Bob and Sharon ministered to me in a time when I was literally devastated by a family crisis and encouraged me to remain in ministry. I will never forget their love and reassurance when I needed it most. They were the loving arms of Jesus to me.


Well, after twenty years of friendship, separated by nine years of mutual relocation in new areas of service, I visited the Hallissys in England a few years ago and caught up on our friendship. The culmination was just this weekend when they came to share at Grace and stayed in our home for two days.

They continue to use their gifts and skills to develop tools for utilizing non-Roman script alphabets in translation and Bob helps to develop the software while Sharon faithfully serves as a secretary. Twenty years later their faces continue to reflect the same excitement in serving the Lord and their desire to return to England to resume their work is compelling.

People like Bob and Sharon are the real heroes in Christian service, spending their lives behind the scenes in places far from home so that others might come to know Jesus, and become part of the family of God.

Day of Prayer

I just returned from our county's second annual prayer breakfast, held on the National Day of Prayer and supported by the local churches of the community.

Those in attendance represented about ten churches in our community. About 75 were there for breakfast including about 15 pastors and staff members. There was a challenging speaker and a significant time of prayer addressed towards specific needs of our country. I was glad I was there, surrounded by "two tables" of our church family.

The disappointment for me was that this was all we could muster from our county for the one day a year we meet together to pray--the most important thing we can do together and the most powerful thing we can do for our nation.

II Chronicles 7:14 is probably the most recited verse calling believers to prayer, beginning with these words, "IF MY PEOPLE..."

The promises of that verse--that God would heal our land--must not be inviting or powerful enough for God's people. If we believed they were true, prayer would be our first priority and prayer breakfasts and days of prayer would be more frequent and better attended.

What do you think?

MEDIATION

It is hard to help two parties estranged from each other come to a place of agreement and potential reconciliation. This week I have been involved in that pursuit through the counseling of hurting marriages, the correction of business misunderstandings, and the clarification of working relationships.

I wish I could report "success". I can only hope and pray that God brings healing and restoration in these relationships characterized by broken trust and deep personal hurt.

Jesus is the GREAT mediator. He brings men and women separated from God back into fellowship with Him through His death. It is a costly process with incredible benefits. All we have to do is avail ourselves of His provision for us.

Meidation in the secular world is costly as well. People must be willing to pay theprice of humbling themselves, acknowledging their own failures and taking time to truly listen to the offenses cited by the other party--husband, wife, parent, employer, fellow worker, neighbor, church member, etc.

Sometimes it is not a matter of "right and wrong" but a matter of "give and take". In any case, stepping back for a more honest look, or, for a less defensive posture, may help to mediate the crisis you are facing.

The Word of God encourages us by exhorting us to "make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification..." Romans 14:19. It may cost us something, but the potential benefits will make the sacrifice worth the effort!

my vegetable garden

Bev and I have agreed to garden special areas of our yard--she does the front and I do the back. Bev' s area is beautiful--color-coordinated flowers, contoured lawn and carefully-landscaped beds. The back is all on a slope and much more wild. But I love it!

I have added areas each year of flowers, shrubs and, now, fourteen trees. My original small plot has grown into a massive area of some burgeoning responsibility. My time is limited but when I have a moment I love to get on my hands and knees and pull weeds, redistribute dirt, repair my watering system, and plant new things. I often catch myself smiling when I am doing it, and wondering "why?" I guess it is because I love being in those moments.

This year, in anticipation of Counsin's Camp (we get the grandchildren together and plan a thematic week of activities--"Growing God's Way", this year), I planted a vegetable garden area, complete with peppers, carrots, beans, tomatoes, artichokes and squash. I know...what a combination! It should give the grandkids an object lesson of how things grow when planted, fertilized and watered.

As I was weeding the area, turning the soil over, raking it smooth...and then planting...I found myself smiling once again.

Easter reflections

Easter is a big church weekend...probably, the biggest of the year. It usually makes me tired. It is complete with Good Friday service and communion, Sunrise service, Easter Brunch and Easter worship, at Grace Fellowship. This year we had only one combined worship service (other than Sunrise service) and rented the high school fine arts building because our facilities are already too small. This added the load of setting up and taking down--all of that in the middle of a day-long rainstorm.

With all of the extended work and preparation, it is easy to go through the accelerated activity of this significant weekend for every believer--and miss the whole point!

I didn't do that this year.

From Friday morning as Beverly and I had our morning devotions I sought to focus on Jesus' death and commented on it throughout the day in every contact I had. By the time Good Frfday service rolled around, I was primed for worship and communion and left exhilarated.

Saturday was a day of preparing my mind for Sunday's services. I prayed we wouldn't have rain--God had other designs--and looked forward to the unparalleled privilege of declaring the good news of the gospel on Resurrection Sunday.

We awakened to torrential rains Sunday morning (I was up at 4:00 a.m.) and a meager crowd for our indoors sunrise service (I don't think I saw the sun all morning).

I arrived at the worship site early--someone had an emergency trip to the hospital from the setup crew--so I arrived to fill in. Unfortunately, 150 chairs were missing and we scrambled to find additional seating to accommodate the crowd we expected. I confess to a few moments of frustration and despair that the devil seemed intent on ruining a potentially wonderful day.

It poured rain all morning but all the volunteer cooks showed up with their egg quiches and fruit bowls and pastries intact, and everyone else showed up with their appetites and Easter Sunday smiles. It made for a great time of fellowship.

When the service began, every seat was filled (thank God for the extra chairs we found) and the opening song resonated with excitement in the acoustically-live gymlike setting. A progam of wonderful music, drama and congregational singing was a fitting agenda for a worship experience focused on Christ's resurrection. I truly worshipped.

And then it was my turn to stand and proclaim the good news of the gospel from Romans 5:1-11 with special attention to the incredble truth--"God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us!"-- and people responded that morning to the invitation to embrace that truth in repentance and new life!

It was truly a happy Easter on a big church weekend. But I will remember it with thanksgiving for its breathing new life into mine, at a time I needed to be spirituall refreshed.

san francisco

I just spent a day and two nights in San Francisco with my wife. While there we visited my son, Greg, who is working in the city and preparing to get ready for his pre-med training. It wa mostly cold and wet but a brief interlude of sunshine and spotty blue sky entertained us Monday afternoon.

And then we awakened to torrential rain...and returned home to the "safety" of Amador County, where it was raining, too.

Trips to San Francisco are good for me. I like San Francisco I like its cultural diversity, its congested downtown, its variety of eating fares, its street commerce, its night life and lights, its beautiful parks and neighboring ocean shorelines.

I like coming home to Amador County. I like its quietness, its meandering streams and velvety green hillsides, its antique towns and unplanned streets, its friendly people and slow pace.

Amador County is home.

San Francisco is the rest of the world.

The wisdom of elders

On Wednesday I met for prayer with 5-6 special people from our church family. Dick and Joyce were a part of that group and I realized how blessed I am to have them in our church family. In their seventies--but looking and acting much younger--they are a vital part of our ministry team at Grace and Dick is our oldest elder and I welcome his words of wisdom.

Yesterday I ate lunch with someone about twenty years older than me. Jim is a veteran Christian and and metal building contractor andI found myself hanging on his words of advice and counsel offered in the flow of a normal conversation. His gentle spirit was a comfort to me.

Today I purposely sat with our minister of senior citizens. He does much more than that but this is his primary area of service. He was a pastor for more than fifty years and I have the utmost respect and regard for him as a fellow pastor and a friend. Ward helps put things into perspective for me. His steadiness and grace are a remidner to me about how to appropriately respond to the challenges of ministry each day. He is a living example to me of what I desire my life to look like.

I was thinking that over the years God has led into my life men older than me--wise and mature veterans of the faith--who have supported me, prayed for me, and kept me going when I felt like quitting. Thank God for the wisdom of elders in my life.

"I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE"

Jesus' introduction of Himself as the "bread of life" in John 6:35 is significant to me. The promise that to partake of Him is to never hunger again is especially intriguing.

Barretts love to eat; in fact, we live to eat. Our conversations historically have been about the new restaurant most recently visited, the quantity (and occasionally, quality) of food served, etc.

In recent years that has changed for me due to health concerns and my determination to keep my weight under control. I relished the Adkins diet for over a year because it allowed me to do what most diets don't--eat! I think I have discovered that eating is my therapy for stress and boredom, and to some extent, it is how I subconsicously reward myself. Anyway, I am learning to "eat to live", not live to eat".

My eating is symptomatic, I know, of deeper concerns, and my quest to be satisfied. In earlier days my motivation to be happy and content was tied up with getting more stuff, having others' approval, and living from one fun-filled occasion to another, even though those events were infrequent. Subsequently, I suffered through periods of deep depression because I was ultimately not satisfied by any of these things.

I am learning that only Jesus satisfies the deepest longings of my heart. He is the "bread of life" and when I feed on Him--meditate on his Word, live to please Him, spend my life for others--I am content in the truest sense of the word.

My diet has changed as I have grown older and, hopefully wiser. I eat less and focus on other places of interest than the local restaurants.

And I allow myself to be satisfied daily by the "bread of life".

Will it ever stop raining?

Yes, I know we need the rain.

But when will it ever stop!?!

I suppose most of us have wrestled with this intrusion on spring. We are waiting for the arrival of the beautiful northern California sunshine, the advent of multi-colored wildflowers and the aroma of spring in the air.

On a personal level, I want the rain to stop so our contractor can begin his work on our turn lane, something required for occupancy of our new facilities.

I want the rain to stop so I can weed my garden and begin the therapy of working in my yard and enjoying the beauty of God's creative work coupled with my limited gardening skills.

I want the rain to stop so I can move from the treadmill in my cold garage to the outdoor walking and exercise that I welcome this time of the year.

I want the rain to stop because the sunshine has a positive effect on my "fragile" psyche. I just feel better and more alive when there is blue sky and an un-obscured sun.

Sound like a whiner, don't I.

What I do realize is that when life is raining downs its recurrent challnges--the "rain falls on the just and the unjust"--I am generally wishing it would stop. ..stop so I can get on with life as I imagine it.

But I realize that the rain is good for me. Trials and tests make me lean more upon God, stretch my faith to examine His divine resources and not to selfishly indulge my finite and small reserves.

So I guess I will quit whining and thank God for the rain. The hills are greener, the sun appears occasionally-enough to give me hope for spring--and the building moves ahead, on a timetable that God knows about.

Even as I am writing, the rain has stopped...for the moment.

TEARS

I have had several moments in the last few weeks where I was tearful...not a comfortable place for most men. I was thinking about some recent contexts in which I had felt such deep emotion that I could not hide my tears...

*the shared pain of someone I love

*the firsthand observation of unparalleled disaster

*the recognition of personal failure

*a sad movie chronicling life's heartache

*an experience of worship contemplating God's grace to me

As I recall the specific details of each of these experiences I remember the sense of cleansing and relief I felt when my tears were spent, even though I was embarassed at my public display of emotions.

I am learning as I get older that it is okay for me to cry. Even though I have secretly felt for me it was a sign of weakness--and obviously it cannot accompany the daily responsibilities of pastoral ministry (many of which make me want to cry)--I am becoming more comfortable with the idea of being authentic about my true feelings.

John 11:35 observes Jesus at Lazarus' house with the shortest verse of scripture, "Jesus wept". This reminds me that Jesus had a very human side to Him and when we are told by the writer of the book of Hebrews that He is "moved by our infirmities", I am encouraged that tears need not be shunned or stifled.

I shed some tears when I preached on Sunday. I was embarassed. But it was how I really felt about what I was sharing.

It is Wednesday...and I am okay about it.

Little is Much...

"Little is much when God is in it..." are the familiar words of a song I heard as a child growing up (yes, it is an old song) but its message resonates within my heart after a week spent in New Orleans.

Mike Stromberg, Terry Throssel, Bob Swett, Steve Thomas, Bob Temple and Dan Simpson joined me for seven days on a work trip to Desire Street, the location of Sean and Emily Rorden's storm-battered home. For the last seven months as Desire Sreet Academy has relocated in Florida and Emily has continued her studies in Baton Rouge, Sean and Emily have spent most of the time separated from each other--and they are still newlyweds!--and away from the home they had lived in for only two months when Hurricane Katrina struck with a vengeance. Rain, winds and a faucet turned on by an errant tile from neighbor's roof, innundated their home with water and the resultant damage made the house unliveable.

Armed with tools, our work team arrived on Sunday evening, settled in at a hostel in downtown New Orleans and prepared for the job of ordering materials, redoing drwyall, taping and texturing the walls, painting the entire house, repairing the roof, restoring electrical fixtures, replacing all the door mouldings, installing new doors, "replacing" the kitchen sink and appliances, repairing some sub-floor, and generally preparing the house for Sean and Emily's happy re-entry on Friday evening, where they spent the night awaiting the arrival of carpet and flooring over the weekend.

Sean and Emily live in the upper ninth ward, a poverty-stricken area of the city hit hard by the hurricance, though not as dramatically as the lower ninth ward. Desire Street Academy, where Sean works as a teacher and coach, was devastaed by the flood and is currently undergoing rennovation and repair by numerous workt eams who have come to render aid. The academy is a beacon light in an impoverished area offering school, church, a medical clinic, sports programming and a variety of other resources in the name of Jesus. CURE is a group of 15-16 local churches that have banded together to suppport and enable this ministry. Due to the hurricane's devastation--the lower ninth ward looks like a war zone--the ministry has relocated to Flordia where it is housing and educating 80-90 boys from the academy.

Though a new location is planned in Baton Rouge in 2006-2007, the prayer is that Desire Street Academy will once again shed its light in this community as the plans for New Orleans continue to be hammered out. Decisions about viability, insurance and liability will be carefully evaluated as a final decision is made.

Until then, we can be praying for the staff and teachers of Desire Street and for God's direction for the ministry ahead. We can pray, too, for renewed strength and a sharpened vision about how their incarnational ministry can continue in this area so desparate for God's presence and power.

Sean and Emily's small house is a lighthouse as well in an area of broken-down houses and broken-up families. The return to their home will allow children once again to knock at their door and to find the love and attention they crave, all given in the name of Jesus.

I am basically unskilled when it comes to building things. For a week, however, I did what I could with the "little" I had to offer, and watched it--with six of my brothers--turn into something much larger...into literally a potential ministry center. I can't be there physically--Sean and Emily can--but I, along with the gracious members of our church family and all of our work team--helped make that happen. It is a week I will never forget!

"Little is much when God is in it..."

NEW ORLEANS

On Sunday morning seven men--including me--leave for a work trip in New Orleans. Our church has a vested interest in a young lady from our congregation and her husband, Sean and Emily Rorden. Sean works at Desire Street Academy, a school for needy young men in New Orleans, now ravaged by the flood. The school has relocated for the time being in Florida, and Emily continues her training as a registered nurse in Baton Rouge.

Sean and Emily's house was also damaged by Hurricane Katrina and our crew is going in to make repairs to make the house once again livable. Needless to say, we are all excited about this trip and the opportunity to help a young couple in ministry whom we love very much.

The Grace of Giving

On Sunday I spoke on the subject of giving, using the passage from II Corinthians 8:1-9 as my reference.

So much of giving is construed as a money issue--yet it is much more than that. Verses 8 and 9 tells us that for our sakes Jesus, who was rich, became poor--the Incarnation reveals this--and because of that, we who are poor, are allowed to become rich in Christ through His provision on the cross. The enormity of Christ's self-emptying (see Philippians 2) in coming to earth as a man, and the volitional laying down of His life for us that we might live, is the basis of our understanding of grace.

Here's what I see in this passage that recites the experience of the Macedonians who gave sacrifically to the needs of others--that our experiences of grace in Christ are what motivate our expressions of grace to others. The Corinthians, who excel in other gifts, are exhorted by Paul to "excel in the grace of giving" as well.

The Macedonians begged for the "privilege" to give in spite of their own "severe trial" and gave with "overflowing joy", and their extreme povery welled up in rich generosity."

Jesus modeled this "grace of giving" on the cross, and the Macedonians imitated this mindset in their own giving. We, as the Corinthians are, are challenged to do the same.

As we shared Communion Sunday and reflected upon Christ's work, our congregation had an opportunity to consider the experience of grace we have in our relationship with Christ, and, then, to offer ourselves to God and to others in the expression of the grace of giving.

still a dad

When your children grow up and leave home, they don't...really.

I say that with a deep sense of satisfaction.

I have enjoyed having my son, Greg, live with us the last seven weeks. He is getting ready for another move in his life--this time to San Francisco. His transition included getting settled in an apartment and finding work--all goals that he accomplished. It was fun for me to help him move his things into an apartment in downtown San Francisco, huffing and puffing up the hills from the garage to his upstairs room. I simply felt proud to still be his dad!

I have really enjoyed having my daughter, Jennifer, and her two children--Milla and Owen--with us for about ten days. Jennifer lives in Texas so I don't get to see her very often but this has been a wonderful time of just "loving on" her and our incredible grandchildren! It is also a time that we have had to sit and talk and talk about the changes that are an inevitable part of all of our lives. I am glad, however, that some things remain constant. I am still her dad!

taps

I just had a funeral for a fellow I never knew.

It was wonderful to hear all the nice things said about him by his son, his nephew, distant cousins, fellow workers, neighbors and friends. Seldom have I heard such consistently kind words said about anyone.

Chuck served in the Air Force and so at the end of the service a military guard presented the flag to his wife while a distant bugler played "Taps".

"Taps" was a song played in the Civil War that signalled the end of the day. There is alot of debate about who wrote it--most assume a fellow named Butterfield--but no argument about its place as a haunting, yet comforting sound, at day's end.

As I listened to the twenty-four notes of "Taps", I thought about the end of my day--and the end of my days--and the kinds of things people might say about me.

I hope I fare as well as Chuck.

AIR TRAVEL

I really never get too excited about flying. I prefer it if Bev (my wife) goes with me, but this last week I traveled by myself to care for some family business.

What is worst about flying for me is the cramped space. 6'3" people were not consulted in the designing of an aircraft. I have discovered some favorite places to sit--near an exit is one (first class is another, but I can't afford that)--which allow me to stretch out my "old" knees.

On an airplane you are often seated in close proximity to someone else. Some are talkers; others are sleepers. Some are friendly; others are sullen and non-communicative. Some are small and others are not, and space can be a huge concern!

And then there is the issue of food. It is hard to be sustained by a small bag of peanuts and a soft drink ona three hour flight, but such is the meal plan for many airlines today...in order to cut the costs ( though it still seems pretty expensive to me, considering the "benefits").

Well, my last flight, I enjoyed an exit seat, sat by four people who talked to someone else most of the way, and had a free ticket, courtesy of a friend. The food was the usual...but I like peanuts, lucky for me.

So what does this have to do with anything?

I read a book on the way home that challenged me to examine my attitute as a leader. It suggested that how I processed things would influence people around me. It is easy for me to be anxious and negative about things I imagine, including air travel. It turns out that all those worries and concerns were misplaced.

As I sat with my staff this morning I did so with a positive attitutude, challenging them in the midst of a difficult time for our church and its building program. I thought alot about what I would say to them upon my return. I think we all felt better after our meeting.

Maybe I need to travel more often...?

chicken fried steak

Last night I did a "no no". I ate chicken fried steak.

It was really good. It was served at a local restuarant where atmosphere and ambiance are an afterthought but good, unhealthy comfort food is a high priority.

I ate with my son--we both ordered the same thing (he can afford to eat chicken fried steak; I can't!)--and I enjoyed every fattening cholestorol-laden bite of cream gravy, baked potato and corn that went along with it.

I reveled in the moments I completely ignored my diet, forgot about my diabetes, and "chowed down".

Today I feel somewhat differently about the experience. I am trying to process the residual guilt and work past the gnawing ache in my stomach from greasy food. I know better, but sometimes I just can't resist...chicken fried steak.

I was thinking about the other "achilles heel" areas of my life--areas that are troublesome, but for one reason or another, I reserve the right to indulge from time-to-time. They are--some of them--far more threatening and forboding to my spiritual health than chicken fried steak is to my physical well-being.

But once in awhile, when I am feeling careless and selfish, I will allow myself the momentary irresponsible pursuit and "enjoyment" of something that is not good for me--something that is potentially devasating to my spiritual well-being--and pay the price of guilt later. I always decide it wasn't worth it!

"Lord, when tempted to indulge my cravings for the things that are not good for me--the things that separate me from you--help me to learn to say 'no' because I realize the momentary "comfort" does not compare to the inevitable ache in my stomach."

Chicken fried steak...I can't afford the luxury!

It went well...

The church business meeting is history...and it went well.

Thank you, Lord.

CHURCH BUSINESS

"Church business"??? Those two words linked together can conjure up all kinds of mental images, undoubtedly impacted by past experiences or even secondhand information from someone else.

I am guessing no one perks up with excitement when the topic is introduced. There is probably a collective sigh signalling discomfort or an arched eyebrow of apprehension.

Even at Grace, the church I pastor, we all have our memories and reservations. There have been occasions where an open forum provided an unwelcomed opportunity for a staff member's reimbursement package to be ridiculed based on perceived productivity. We have grimaced as volunteer bookkpeepers were literally "raked over the coals" for incorrect entries. Many have come to approach these meetings with a sense of dread because there always seems to be an accentuation of the negative and the promotion of personal agenda concerns, overshadowing the attempts at open disclosure, congregational participation, and happy anticipation of a new year of increased ministry opportunity.

It has taken a long time--at least, much longer than we expected--to get our new facilities completed. As we near the exciting conclusion of the task we can't help but wonder about the few who suspect alterior motives, profligate spending and other assorted innuendos of incompetency. Will we speak the truth in love?

Church business meetings should be characterized by Christian principles of conduct--believing the best, in honor preferring another, edifying the body, applauding accountability, determining to walk in faith and responsible stewardship of resources, etc. At Grace we have no reason to suspect or expect anything less.

Church business is not a necessary evil. It is an incredible opportunity to demonstrate Christian principles at work, even when people have a different point of view and disagree. It should be a model for others to see of Christian brothers and sisters agreeing together to put the needs of the body above personal preferences.

We get to see how well that works on Sunday. Let's be praying together as we look back at a year of blessing and forward to a year of opportunity.

The building

We are now in our eighteenth month of construction of our 26,000 square foot facilities. It seems much longer than that, and 2-3 months of coordinated construction remain. It will be a race to Easter Sunday...on a wounded horse, I suspect.

Sometimes I avoid talking about...the building.

But as we round the final turn I am thinking about all of the lessons I have learned in route to the finish line.

1. God and I have much different time tables.

2. I am constantly surprised about God meets specific needs.

3. There are some wonderful people who have gone beyond the "call of duty" in making the building happen. They are the real heroes, and, often, unseen.

4. Adversity creates unity; at least for those who are making the daily decisions we have learned the value of working together.

5. I have had to defer to others, to much wiser men than me, in some key decisions--a gratifying experience.

There are other lessons I could mention--and more to learn, I am confident. The building has been a building experience for me personally. I can almost think of it and smile.

The building...

who's in control?

Our neighbors to the north in the fair state of Oregon have the backing of the United States Supreme Court, in its 6-3 decision to allow the distribution of "drugs to produce death", arguing that the "federal drug law did not give the Justice department the authority to regulate the practice of medicine". In 2001 Attorney General John Ashcroft has authorized the prosecution of doctors under the federal Controlled Substance Act because assisted suicide is not a "legitimate medical purp0se for drugs controlled under the law".

Judge Scalia wrote in the minority dissenting opinion, "If the term 'legitimate medical purpose' has any meaning, it surely excludes the prescription of drugs to produce death"...hardly a novel idea. Jay Sekulow. chief counsel of the American Center for Law and Justice, added, "This is a disturbing and dangerous decision that can only lessen the value of protecting human life."

Of course the applause is heard from those who insist that the denial of this "privilege" violates state and individual rights, and that its acceptance allows for dignity, compassion and love in the death scene. Charlene Andrews a terminal cancer victim, says that she takes comfort in knowing that she will control when the end comes.

We like being in control--even if it means the murder of a baby in its mother's womb through abortion to insure a mother does not lose control of her life (not withstanding the fact that the mother may have been deliberately out of control when she had unprotected sex and conceived), or, in this case, orchestrating our own death scene when the "all-knowing" doctors have determined we have six motnhs or less to live. Interestingly enough, a woman from our church family was sent home to die and receive hospice care several months ago, but hospice has now left the scene because it appears she has longer than the medically-prescribed and hospice-mandated six months to live... Who is in control here?

We don't get it. We are not in control or we could have sex and say "No baby will come from this union; I am in control"; then abortion would be an unnecessary option. Abortion suggests we weren't in control at the appropriate time (The obvious control option is abstinence but that isn't an acceptable option...is it? That would require some control).

We are just as lost at the other end of the life continuum. We want to be in control of what our death scene looks like. Never mind that our obesity, drug and alcohol usage, and obsession with stuff may drive us "uncontrollably" to an untimely demise. When we get to the end of the road we simply want to say, "Turn up the music, sit me in a chair where I can hear the ocean...and give me some drugs so I can die with dignity."

We are out of control.

trailer camping

A recent acquisition for my wife and me was a small 18' travel trailer. We have now used it a total of two (2) times and have decided this is a way of life we can embrace with enthusiasm. Now the question is can we settle for a travel trailer when a motor home is so much nicer...and more expensive...?

What is so wonderful about trailer camping anyway? I thought you would never ask!

1. We can do it together (my wife and I treasure our infrequent time alone).

2. We can get away from the frantic pace of life (I needed a break).

3. We can see the ocean (we were just at Pismo Beach) and take long walks on its shoreline.

4. We can share this experince with friends (we just camped with three other couples).

5. We can feel close to nature and close to God (...and we did!)

We are back after five glorious days of sand and sun, and relaxation.

And that's why I like trailer camping!

Happy new year...?

The wish for a "happy new year" seems trite, and unrealistic, doesn't it? Happiness seems such a mercurial thing--here one day, and gone tomorrow.

As I reflect upon the past year, it was not "happy". I mean, it had its moments--two new grandchildren, camping in our trailer, nights at the movies with Bev, Mexican Train with our friends, working in the yard, trips to see our kids and grandkids, etc.

But it had its no so "happy" moments--the challenge of a difficult church building program, the loss of some special friends, the painful illnesses of loved ones, the breakup of some marriages, "getting-older" problems, etc.

So the wish for a "happy new year", though well-intentioned--must be tempered with realism. I am convinced that God never promised us this kind of happiness. What God did promise us is found in these words from Romans 14:17, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit..."

May God grant you a joyful new year!

the most wonderful time of the year

The song says "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." referring to the Christmas season. I concur!

Here's why...

1. The true focus is Christ's coming to earth to bring salvation. What could be more meaningful than that?

2. The special music of the season echoes forth sentiments of hope and family. I can embrace these afresh.

3. The seasonal beauty of Christmas lights and decorations against a dark night's backdrop is stunning. I love just looking.

4. The unparalleled love of family is distinctively heart-warming. I can't wait for our special holiday gatherings.

5. Theincredible privilege of giving helps me to see the needs of those much less fortunate than I. What could be more rewarding than sharing with someone else?

It is the most wonderful time of the year!

the marketplace

A young man told me today of his work-related stress.

It was not so much the job, but environmental. He has a Christian family-- small children and a wonderful wife--and loves his church family.

But every week he drives a significant distance to work to an environment where he feels like a stranger, an alien.

He would really like to find a job where he was in full-time vocational Christian service. He has a heart for serving people, and loves being around his Christian brothers.

But the marketplace is hard. It takes discipline to stay focused on God. It is challenging to look for opportunities to share his faith. And there are days when he goes home and says, "I dropped the ball today...I missed an opportunity".

From the safe confines of my pastoral office--insulated from the rest of the world--I reminded him that his sphere of influence IS his ministry and his children ARE his first priority. A positrion of vocational Christian service may await him, but until then, he is where God has placed him, and that, with purpose.

The marketplace comes to me. I generally am in my office studying or counseling, visiting at a hospital or in a home, ministering at the church. At that level I feel I have it easier than most. There are only isolated circumstances in which i feel I am a stranger, an alien.

So the real issue in focus here for my young friend is the old "in" the world but not "of" the world enigma and how that translates into his daily life.

My prayer is that he will make the marketplace a ministry center, a place where his life touched and changed by the grace of God, indelibly impacts the lives of those around him.

And, that when he goes home to his family, he will see his ministry to them as a spiritual leader, a high calling.

He may not be able to totally escape the enironmental stress, but, hopefully, his sense of divine placement and purpose will ennoble his day.

LIVING WATER

The Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well was there for water--to quench her thirst, assist in her family cooking, wash the clothes-- perform the daily functions accompanied by water.

She probably wasn't expecting an offer of "living water" when she met Jesus that day.

She expected to come back--day after day--to replenish her supply, with the knowledge that such water would never truly satisfy her deepest, innermost needs.

Needs that five husbands and now, a "boy friend" had never managed to meet as well.

But Jesus made her an offer she couldn't refuse--he told her if she drank His water she would never thirst again.

I am not sure she truly understood the significance of that offer but she said, "Give me some of that to drink!"

Jesus would tell her that He was exactly whom she was looking for--"I am He!"--and she would tell others of her discovery (see John 4).

Try the "living water". It satisfies the deepest needs of your heart.

CHRISTMAS MUSIC

I have had very little success trying to find traditional Christmas carols on the radio. I was excited about the prospect of attending a special musical function as a large church which does a Christmas "spectacular" each year. At last, Christmas carols...

Alas...no Christmas carols! Lots of good contemporary Christmas songs--which I enjoyed, too--but none of the traditional Christmas music I wait each year to hear.

I have been digging out my old Christmas cd's and playing them over and over again. As I write, the strains of "O Little Town of Bethlehem" serenade me from a cd entitled "Peaceful Christmas".

I love all of the Christmas music, but am lobbying for hearing the traditional Christmas carols!

A traditional "Merry Christmas!" to you...

The plight of "Tookie" Williams

The real tragedy for "Tookie" is that his death really resolves nothing.

One of the relatives of his murdered victims has said, "It will bring closure to it.."

The protesting placard reads, "Practice what U preach...Thou shalt not kill".

"Tookie" was found guilty of four murders during his time as a member of the Cripps' gang that he formed, a gang known for its violence and brutality. In his later years of incarceration he co-wrote several children's books against gangs, and sought to spread his anti-gang message.

Governor Schwarzenegger noted in his denial of clemency, "Williams protests that he had no reason to apologize for these murders because he did not commit them...without an apology for these senseless and brutal killings there can be no redemption."

What, then, are we left with?

the loss of four innocent lives

the suffering and anger of the victims' families

the death of a murderer

the justice of our criminal system

Is anything learned? Is anything if value salvaged by an act of capital punishment?

I will let others debate the issue although I believe that capital punishment is NOT the State's decision, but a decision by the criminal to "do his thing" and "take his chances", whatever the motivating circumstances.

The court has said he is guilty. The law insists he must die.

And so he did.

Ken Riffe

Ken was my father's friend. My dad would be 83 years old if he were still alive (he died seventeen years ago) and Ken was 86. He died Monday.

Ken was one of the kindest men I have known. He was a man whoa lways smiled, and never complained. He was the janitor at the church and school, and more recently, my brother's "right arm" man is doing the mundane chores that are part of maintaining a church facility.

Ken found out he had terminal cancer about a month ago. He ended up having surgery and being bed-ridden because of the cancer lodging in his spine. He was in alot of pain in his final days.

I got to see him a few days before Thanksgiving. I realized how valuable people like Ken are to a pastor. They are the supportive ones behind the scenes who do the "little things" that make our job easier. Ken was that to both my dad and now my brother.

Ken was my friend, too, and I what I will remember was our embrace before I left him and his smile as we left the room. I will miss him.

old cars

We have a 1995 Volkswagon Jetta that is a car my wife desired for a long time. It belonged to her son and she always told him, "When you get ready to get rid of it, I want it."" That exciting date arrived several months ago.

Now Chad reminded us it was an older car even though he took great care of it (and warned us that we probably didn't want to buy it). It looks "brand new", BUT it has had a series of repairs and necessary improvements since we got it.

New tires, New belts, New hoses, New radio,

New mats, New door trim

The latest news is that something is wrong with the axle and so it is at the mechanic's once again.

We have been asking the question, "How much more do we want to put into it?" but we always remember we don't have a car payment and once this is done, there isn't that much left that can go wrong...We hope.

I was thinking that when God got ahold me I was pretty run down and "messed up" even though I probably looked deceptively "okay" on the outside. I am certain that God has wondered aloud sometime since He purchased me, "How much more do I want to invest in him?" I don't want to seem silly or frivilous, but it is pretty amazing that God is still committed to me.

I think I will keep the Jetta. As the owner I remain committed to its upkeep and maintenance. It will probably need brakes and something else down the road but I am in for the long run...

So is God's committment to me.

I HAVE RETURNED

I suppose there is always a moment when I am with my children and grandchildren that I think, "I do NOT want to go back to the real world...it's more fun here with them!" It is inwardly "tearful" for me when I say "good-bye" because I am never certain how long it will be before we get to see each other again.

It was fun to listen to six year old JJ read second grade books, and to wrestle with Milla while she giggled uncontrollably. And it was wonderful to hold none month-old Owen for the second time and to see those big eyes acknowledge me as another admirer...and to hope they won't grow up too much more before my next vsiit.

I loved being with my children--Jeff, Jen and Greg--and Jeanette and TJ, who I love like my own kids. They pampered me and spoiled me for four days...and I felt proud, because when I look at them, I see something good...something good in spite of me.

But I have returned...to a full desk, a busy church, and, most of all, to the woman I love. I miss my Texas family already, but I have returned to the place I belong.

Dallas

I lived in Dallas for fourteen years and when I moved to California to assume a new pastoral position, I left three of my four children there. One now has moved to Nashville, Tennessee and the other three remain in the dallas area...along with three grandchildren.

I love to go back to Dallas. It isn't the weather, nor is the beauty of Texas that beckons me.

Jeff, Jeanette, JJ, Tj, Jennifer, Milla and Owen are the main attractions.

I will only be there for four days, and those four days will be jammed-packed with family gatherings (my favorite), one-on-one time with the grandchildren, and a time to catch up with my children who I adore...and miss terribly. Of course, I will miss Andrea, who lives ten hours further east.

I get to see my Dallas family about twice a year. It is not near enough for me and so I always go with mixed emotions. It will be wonderful to be there--JJ will treat me as if am the best thing since Spiderman, and Milla will "wow" me with her new vocabulary (I've heard "smidgetts" of her conversations via telephone). And Owen, now nine months old, will get acquainted with me for the second time since he was born. That should be an adventure!

It is painful to leave. Usually, it takes me a few hours on the plane ride home to transition to the idea of being separated for another six months. But I manage--I have to--and look forward to the next encounter, offset by phone calls, e-mails, pictures and occasonal pieces of "art" that help to shorten the distance between visits.

I look forward to my Dallas visits.

I will tell you more after my return December 5th. Hope you had a happy thanksgiving!

THANKSGIVING...do I need a holiday to remember?

I guess the question I have been mulling over in my mind the last few weeks as we head into the Thanksgiving regimen--special church service, "thanks" notes to my special friends and family, preparation for THE day and THE meal...etc, is...

Do I need a holiday to remember to be thankful?

Well, the honest answer is I do need occasional prodding. I am haunted by the story of the lepers (Luke 17) who are miraculously healed by Jesus and only one--ONLY ONE--returns to thank Jesus. His response? "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return to give praise to God except for this foreigner (he was a Samaritan)?"

What really gets me is the only thankful one was the one you would have least expected to give thanks to God--a Samaritan, hated by the Jews. He was estranged from his Jewish neighbors, excluded because of his heritage as well as his disease. Still, he finds his way back to Jesus to give thanks, while the nine others--perhaps feeling"entitled" to healing because of their ancestry--forget to do so.

I hope I don't feel entitled, or, expect that I should be well-fed, have a nice home, drive a car, have televisions and computers in my home, own more than five pair of shoes, etc., because I am American, or, because I try to live a good moral life.

I have what I have because God has been good to me. Not because of who I am or what I have done. If that were the case, I'd still be a leper.

That's why I was thankful two weeks ago...long before the holiday season reminded me to have a grateful heart.

HOPE

*Multiple myeloma, five kids under the age of twelve

*Liver cancer, three small boys

*Life-threatening hematoma, senior citizen

*Widowed lady, no children or family

*Crumbling business, broken marriage

*Alcoholism, fractured family

*Infidelity, divorce, grief

Is there any hope? And, if there is...how is it communicated? How is it translated into its life-transforming potential?

In each of these situations in which I am involved at some level I am overwhelmed at the crisis of need. I feel painfully inadequate to address these incredibly challenging circumstances. I have wept myself at the level of pain encountered in each. And I have wondered in my position as a pastor what I can "bring to the table" that will offer hope.

I stand firmly-grounded in my faith, with these truths in tact.

1. God is not surprised by these crises for He knows all things, even the final outcome, Revelation 21:6.

2. There is nothing new about these circumstances and God provides "a way of escape to bear it", I Corinthians 10:13.

3. God's grace is sufficient for each situation and each person involved, II Corinthians 12:9.

4. The final outcome is uncertain, but God's purposes will be accomplished, Romans 8:28.

5. Therefore, I can rest in Him, Matthew 11:28.

I am not suggesting that we merely recite these truths and assume that we have installed some magical formula that will bring an end to our doubts and fears; rather, I am acknowledging

that pain is a part of the human circumstance--some of it even self-inflicted--but that the message of hope is available to everyone of us in Christ, who offers us His love, His strength, His grace, His time, and His rest.

That's my reason for hope.

Veteran's Day..and Thanksgiving

On Sunday, November 20th we will have a late celebration of Veteran's Day, an intetional oversight. We are combining it with a special Thanksgiving service.

Our focus will be on Mike oram and Steve Hauser, two young men from our church family, who returned safely froma tour of duty in Iraq. We sent them off with our prayerful blessing, wrote to them while they were overseas and, now, we are celebrating their return to us.

We can do that without politicizing an unpopular war. Personally, I am grieved by the 2,000 plus men and women who have lost their lives there. I am saddened at the slow pace of political reform and anxious for the escalating costs of "running a war".

On the other hand, I am grateful that we still have young men and women who consider it a privilege to "fight" for their country and who place their lives at great personal risk in the line of battle. Historically, this has achieved for us a country with unparalleled freedoms and blessings enjoyed nowhere else in the world.

On the Sunday before Thanksgiving it will be a joy to honor these two soldiers--and to remember the countless others in our congregations and others--who served their country well.

For me, Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving go together.

DRESSING UP

I am leaving for a retreat this weekend and was going through my closet trying to determine what I should pack. I am going to be at Lake Tahoe...it's going to be cold...and we are in an informal environment...but I have to speak...and Bev hates that shirt...?

I guess I do spend time thinking about what kind of appearance I make, whether it's preparing for the office, preaching on Sunday...and, yes, even packing for a retreat!

I just got this picture from my daughter of my grandchildren on Halloween eve all dressed up to go "trick or treating". I thought to myself, "They are so cute, even if they didn't have a costume people would want to give them candy."

I think when I am "dressing up" I am concerned about how I will be perceived, and wondering whether I will be accepted, whatever the occasion may be.

For me, that stems from an age-old presumption that I am not good enough just the way I am. And so, much of my life I have have had to fight the temptation to create an image that I think will be more acceptable, than if it were just the real me.

Anyway, I settled on some jeans and sweat shirts and a favorite sweater...that Bev doesn't like.

RESTORATION

I met with someone this week who has been isolated from the church for a period of time. His feelings were deeply wounded and the path to restoration has been a difficult one. He had withdrawn from his place of ministry at Grace.

He cited several things that had helped him--things that had recently been written to him framed with love and compassion, the overt expressions of unconditional love from his peers, and some things in his own life he was dealing with.

His question to me was "Is there still a place for me?"

Oh, the beauty of restoration!

And, yes...there is a place.

Proposition 73

I am saddened this morning to note that Propostion 73--a directive to demand parents be notfied of a teenager's decision to have an abortion-- was defeated in California.

At a recent local Pregnancy Center banquet we were reminded that abortion is murder, and that our ignorance of the issue, "What is the unborn?", has resulted in the ruthless slaughter of thousands of innocent children within the womb of their mothers.

Our confusion about the value of life has resulted in a movement at the other end of the life continuum to heightened discussions about euthanasia, assisted suicide--when we deem life to be painful to be endured or too burdensome to be maintained.

Proposition 73 simply said that an adolescent girl should speak to her parents before she seeks an abortion and secure their consent. Not a big deal when she needs their consent to get an aspirin at school...

a three-stranded cord

Ecclesiastes 4:12 simply says, "A strand of three cords is not easily broken..."

As I head for Couples' retreat at Zephyr Cove in Lake Tahoe later this week, I think of the significance of that truth in my marriage to Beverly. we are held together by our love and commitment one to another. but the key ingredient is our mutual love for God and our recognition that we are complete in Him (Colossians 2:9,10).

It is easy to seek to find our completeness in anothe r person and often we find an enormous amount of satisfaction in that special relationship. But such relationships are subject to the attrition of human behavior, the unwelcome entrance of crisis and tragedy, the failure to keep our promises.

And we discover that we are not enough for each other...alone.

When Christ enters the picture, and we are truly married to Him, we find a copmpletion and satisfaction that cannot be rivaled...and cannot be broken.

I can't wait to get to Couples Retreat and spend some quality time with my wife. But we both know what is the proverbial glue that holds us together.

young families

I have the privilge of watching young families grow in the Lord. Nothing is more encouraging to me in ministry than observing that firsthand.

I have a standing appointment with a young man who meets with me each. Sometimes his wife and family accompany him to our time together, always a rich experience for me. We share together, dream together, pray together. And I am always the richer for it.

Young men like this man give me hope for God's church tomorrow. I see a a young man committed to God, passionate about using his gifts and successfully and faithfully leading his family to God.

I see a young woman, aspiring to honor God and her husband, caring for her children--seeking God's will for the ministry of their family in the body of Christ. Is it any wonder that I am excited?

Young families...they are foundational for the future of the church when people old like me have passed on.

I am encouraged today!

timing

God's calendar is different than ours. God's reckoning of time is different than ours.

I have been "wrestling" with that reality in recent days.

*Why is it taking so long to complete our building? Every week we are faced with a new challenge that delays construction, invites more cost, and pushes the date back for occupation.

*Why does cancer come to a young life and decimate it, with little children potentially left motherless? It is hideous even with older people, but when it is someone young, it is even more confounding.

*How long must someone suffer--an alcoholic son, a potentially devastating financial crisis, a recurring need for chemotherapy?

I have no answers that are satisfactory in the sense that they bring resolution and and intellectual satisfaction. Even as I write those words--"intellectual satisfaction"--they seem arrogant and faithless.

So what do I do? I turn to the Word of God.

"Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen".

Amen.

PASTOR CHURCH

Pastor Henry Church was my predecessor in Northern California at a small church in Amador County. He was loved by everyone in the community and was the prototype country preacher. He knew everyone, visited everyone, loved everyone.

He loved horses and the outdoors. Amador County afforded him the luxury of a rural setting but his heart always longed for his native Arkansas. In the final years of his life he moved there...until a horseback-riding accident nearly killed him. He ended up in Arizona, and just a week before he died, back home in Amador County.

I was honored to have a part in his memorial service. His son, Henry, Jr., a missionary in Africa, shared a reflective eulogy about his father and punctuated all the things we knew about him as friends and parishioners, as a son. What we saw in public, he was at home.

We will miss Henry.

PUBLIC OFFICIALS

President Bush's recent nominee for the Supreme Court withdrew her name this week, much to the apparent delight of both liberal and conservative political pundits.

I was reflecting upon the process since and thinking about the intense scrutiny candidates are subjected to--and, perhaps, rightly so. The office of supreme court justice is a high and lofty one and we are entitled to know what a potential justice may be thinking about key issues. I guess.

It just seems as if no one can survive such intense examination, doesn't it? They are labeled and pronounced "guilty" of whatever seems contradictory to the subjective opinions of those who feel it is their duty to make such judgments.

But, then, we are all public people to varying degrees. We have our spheres of influence--some greater than others--and people are watching us and making their own judgments about us.

Jesus said that "all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another", John 13:35. By this very statement He assures us people will be watching us and our conduct in terms of our interpersonal relationships will have much to say about the legtimacy of our faith and service to God.

We may not be public officials but as believers we are public witnesses to our faith in Christ. People will make their own pronouncements about us, but if they are going to discern the valdity of our relationship to God it will be because of how we treat one another within the body of Christ.

Valerie

Our daughter-in-law, Julie, recently shared with us the news of her sister's liver cancer. Valerie is only thirty-seven years old and has three children, ages 1,4 and 6. Her husband, Chris, has physical problems as well so this is a real crisis time for this young family. I would like to ask all of my church family and blog readers to join in prayer for Valerie who is undergoing tests at UCLA Medical Center, awaiting a final diagnosis and treatment plan.

So many issues are stirred when we think about all the factors here that make us want to ask "why?" Our true comfort and strength come from the knowledge that God is sovereign--He is not surprised by what is happening in the McCrea household. The passage of comfort and direction for me during these days as we think of Valerie, are the words of the Psalmist who writes,

"His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,

nor His delight in the legs of a man;

the Lord delights in those who fear Him,

who put their hope in His unfailing love."

turn lane plans take a turn

If you have followed my blog site you read recently of the huge relief at the securing of our turn lane permit for our new facilites.

Yesterday we received word that the approval had been rescinded. GROAN.

However, the reason for the change is that we are going to be required to do LESS work and to SAVE money on the anticipated $250,000 project. PRAISE THE LORD! (I think...)

I am still working through this development in my mind because of all the time factors and the re-education of our congregation regarding this miexed blessing.

The bottom line for me today is acknowledging that this is God's thing--not mine--and I must trust Him

PRAISE THE LORD! (I am sure!)

JJ

JJ (my grandson) called me a few weeks ago to tell me about the three goals he scored in a soccer game. He left the message and then I had to call him back and get his version of the story, followed by his father's (my son) colorful adaptation of what really happened.

I was sooooo proud. That athletic ability comes through the genes, grandfather-father-son. It was amazing to picture JJ running down the field full speed and defytly weaving his way through defenders to score. I mean, I could remember the days when Jeff, his father, made six interceptions in one football game. Like I said, it runs in the family!

Seriously, I hope I can pass something else on to my children and grandchildren. We can argue about the athletic skills and wonder about grandpa's vivid imagination and inflated evaluation of his own skills. But what a grandfather really wants to see in his progeny is a strong faith in God, a character molded by God's Word.

I can't pass that through the genes. But I can try--however imperfectly--to be an example...to Jeff and to JJ.

home

we have been gone for over a week on a much-needed vacation break. we rested and hiked and rested and biked and rested...and so we are rested!

we were in some beautiful country and enjoyed the beauty of God's creative work.

we were with some wonderful people and exulted in the fellowship of family and friends. i even held my newest grandson, haaken, which was a special treat (not to mention playing with sage, eden and zeke).

but...we are home... and there is nothing like being home, i have decided.

yes, it is back to the rigors of work.

yes, it is eyeing all the household tasks to be addressed.

yes, it was 27 phone messages and 542 e-mails.

yes, it was sorting through piles of mail and magazines and old newspapers (i should have cancelled for the week!)

yes, it was the news of two friends who had died, a funeral to prepare, a list of those in serious need.

yes! yes! yes! yes! yes!

yes...it is my life--my wonderful life--a life to which God has called me.

i am glad to be home!

PTL FOR A TURN LANE!

The good news today is that we have final approval for a turn lane from Cal Trans. Praise the Lord (PTL)!

This has been a process of unparalleled frustration. the process looks something like this.

1. We want a turn lane.

2. We don't want a turn lane.

3. A turn lane could cost $750,000.

3. You need a turn lane.

4. You don't need a turn lane.

5. You need a turn lane.

6. A turn lane will cost $250,000.

7. The Bank of Stockton will lend us the money.

8. Let's build a turn lane.

9. Here are the plans from the engineer for the turn lane.

10. Here are the revised plans back from Cal Trans for the turn lane (repeat #9 and #10 five times)

11. Today...the turn lane plans and drawing are approved.

12. We will have a turn lane when our contractor can work us, probably work to begin in six weeks.

Turns out we won't need the turn lane for another 3-4 months so the timing is fine. We have prayed for this issue for over three years so today is a day of praising the Lord at Grace Fellowship Church!